aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize