Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
