Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
