Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
