i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
