I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
