booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
