i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
