at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
