My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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