just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
