He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
