so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
