yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
