Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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