Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
