im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
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