did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
