apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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