just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
