Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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