I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
