8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
