Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
