In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize