Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
