she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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