omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
