FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
