Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
