...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
