i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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