Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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