"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
