I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
