she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
