My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
