I think I died a long time ago.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
