I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
