he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
