its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
