I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
