omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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