she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
