Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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