Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
