70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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