Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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