It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
