Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
