8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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