I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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