you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
