I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
