I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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