She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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