I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
