Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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