I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
