My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
