well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
