so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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