the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
