Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
