I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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