I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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