I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
