then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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