I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
