When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
