guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
