So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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